"Well, which one are you then"

"I rear-ended a car this morning. So there we are alongside the road and
slowly the driver gets out of the car . . . and you know how you just get sooo
stressed and life seems to get funny?

Well, I could NOT believe it . . he was a DWARF! He storms over to my car,
looks up at me and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
So, I look down at him and say, "Well, which one are you then?"... and
THAT'S when the fight started . . ."
From a random web page





It was like every other night I was just getting out of my figure drawing class. I started to walk to my car that was on the other side of campus by the science labs; since thats where my first class was for the day.

I got in my 1990 Toyota Corolla and slipped in a new cd I had just purchased. I pulled out of my parking space, drove to the exit and remembered that I had left my charcoal in the art room.

I got to a T intersection which BTW had no stop or yield for me b/c I was going straight. Before I got to the intersection a truck made his stop and turned left on the straight road. Once he had made his turn a blue 1994 Mazda Miata decided that he could make the run WITH OUT stopping. "California roll" if you will. I was going my speed limit and I didn't see his fucking piece of shit car b/c guess what? He had his driving lights off.

I felt like a rhino had rammed the front right side of my car. I had no idea what the fuck just happened. I looked around, shook my head and tried to understand the events that just perspired.

I got out of my car once I remembered where I was. Everything was dark all I could make out was his car and my one remaining head light.

Before he got out of his car I was all ready out side screaming at the top of my lungs. He got out and I had to pause... the guy was around 6'5" thin. (for those of you that don't know me I'm 5'3")I didn't care I kept yelling and trowing up my arm in a fit of anger.

He asked me calmly to stop yelling and that he was really sorry.
"SORRY?" I said
"Your Sorry for your stupidity?"

I think he might have been high; the back of the campus was the place where students would get high before or after classes. He didn't say much. I got his information and drove off pissed that my ugly car was now uglier.

I don't remember if his car had any damage. I don't think there was even a scratch on his car. His fathers insurance did take care of the damages. I mostly spoke to his father. He was so apologetic. He did ask me at one point how tall I was. I found that funny

So the lesson here is don't fuck with small people. We will fight back.

From the Lounge to the Sushi Bar

Back in 2001 I came across this store called Limbo Lounge. It had all sorts of flashy cloths. This place was comply diffrent from any other store in Sunvalley Mall. It was more Retro. Wet Seal in circa 1965.
Limbo lounge was under the Wet seal umbrella. We had one Wet seal and one Contempo Causals right across the way from each other. I really don't know why they even had a Contempo Causals because they sold the same shit that they had in Wet Seal.





What I loved about this Limbo Lounge was that they sold mens cloths.
Many of you remember Limbo Lounge a place where you could find classic Elvis lunch box's Betty Page action figue mixed in with bowling shirts that had the name Chuck with a leopard collar.


When I started working there, I was in my sophomore year of high school. I was so excited to start working at Sunvally mall. I first met Gayel. She was the acting manager at the time. I come to find out that this store had no actual manager. So we had the store all to your selfs at times. This was by far the best job I ever had. We would play those music videos hella loud and of course I would dance along to some of the videos.

My co workers where Brandi (cashier/greeter), Gayleen (key holder), Gayel(acting manager) and Felix (cashier/Greeter). Since I was new I didn't get to use a register I was doing go backs and helping customers in the fitting rooms.

This story is not about how much I miss the store but about Felix my co worker; a Japanese/American boy that spent 30 min each morning spiking up his 8 inch blond hair.

One day he went to his 30 min lunch. He came back 10 min later with this look on his face like some one just slapped him with a rotten fish.
So i asked him...

"What happened to you? You look pissed?"

"I almost got in a fight at Mcdonalds.!"

"Why?"

" There was this fucking dumb ass mother fucker that was standing behind me and said my hair looked like fucking French fries..."

"...HAHAHAHA... Guess he was really hungry or high. It doesn't look like fries... hehe"

everybody but him found that funny.

Time went by and We all got other job after the fun died out. We finally got a manaer but by that time Wet Seal made it go bankrupted and that small store turned into another wet seal.

So now we have One big Wet Seal up stairs a Contempo across the way and now down stairs another FUCKING Wet seal discount store. It didn't last long. Wet Seal could not keep that store open after the "Bunny" fiasco.




Years went by and Brandi and I still talked and hung out once and a while. I lost contact with every body else.


The other night while on my friends birthday dinner at Sushi Grove. I got there really early because I knew that Walnut Creek during the Christmas holidays was going to be hard to find parking. Once I finally found parking (4 blocks away) I went to the bar to wait for my party.




I sat down and took off my hoodie and scarf. I looked to my left where the bartender was. I was trying really hard to get his attention. My boobs where not big enough on that night. I gave up after a while and I just sat there looking at all the pretty lights and wondering why the DJ was playing the music so loud.

I heard a faint voice call my name. I looked behind me then to my left then to my right towards the door. I ignored it; maybe it was some other guy name Dan they where calling. Then I heard it again. This time a bit louder. I found my self looking right into Felix's face. He was rolling the sushi.

We talked for a while about our good time at Limbo Lounge. He told me that he was married and had a 3 month year old baby girl. He was wearing a hat so I could not tell if his hair was still the same. I doubt it, I mean my hair back then was green and blue at one point purple. But I still wanted to ask "when did you decide that your hair really did look like fries?"

It seems like all of my friends are having babies and getting married. As a gay man I don't feel left out but I never dreamed about one day all of us growing up so fast.

"This is the best hot dog ever Danny!"

One night after The Crib-

The night was almost over. I was covered from head to toe in sweat. The Dj was playing his last set. So I set out to try to find Bri; see we always had this thing about splitting up so I could find my self a boy to take home. Unfortunately this was not one of those nights. I found Bri and told her I was ready when she was.

I was mostly sober since I was driving, Bri was another story.

We both started to walk out of the club. On our way out I stopped to talk to a few guys that I was flirting with that night. One was this guy that worked for Gus checking the guest list in and passing out the VIP tickets. I thought he was hot b/c he was this short and stocky guy with an orange motorcycle that had a Chinese's cherater on it's side. Don't ask me what it is said.

While I was making plans to see when would be the best night to go to his house ;) something in my peripheral vision caught my attention. Bri was trying with all her might to get on top of his motorcycle. Poor girl. She didn't quite make it. Instead of stopping on top of the seat she just kept going to the side and fell on her ass. Both the "Ticket boy" and I tried helping her from the ground. She could not stop laughing .

Once in the car we stared to relive the exciting points of the night. I was going to stay the night at her house in Moraga since I had to work the next day in Lafayette. On our way to her house we decided to stop by 7 eleven to get some midnight munchis. I got nocho's and a slurpee, she got a hot dog.

Still Drunk as fuck Bri forgot she had just bought a hot dog. Once she realized this she threw her arms in the air and said "... oh my God Danny, I have a hot dog and Im not eating it." at the same time she said this her hot dog fell on the floor on my 1990 Toyota Corola. Witch btw was dirty as hell. I have never cleaned the floor on this car b/c it was a piece O' shit.
Oh Briana this was not your night.
With out any hesitation she reaches for the hot dog, now on the floor and out of it's rapper and procceds to take a big juciy bite. But was Bri faded? God no! She enjoyed that hot dog like it was the last hot do she would ever have. What gets me was that shorty after she swallowed the first bite she turns to me and saids

"This is the best hot dog ever Danny!"
I LOVE YOU BRI.

Hold on to the Night

If time were on our side.
we wouldn't have to fight to keep this night.
The touch of his skin is like a dream.
My imagination was built for him.

If I awake before you go.
I'll try not to forget how you feel.
I will fight so hard to try to see you.
All I feel is love fading further.

So Promise to hold on to the night, and I know that we'll be meeting soon.
The night I long for, you long for.
Can't you see I can't stop dreaming of us.

I take a few steps back.
Until now I forgot your blue eyes.
Is that what i feel pricing me?
I'm scared to see you, my own heart could burst if we don't meet.
I have to dream even if I'm forced to struggle.

I'm standing in your room as if we were strangers in a crowd. There is no need for words or speaking when both our hears know who we are.


By: DHR Torres

Meet me in my dreams

The door swung open. My girl friend walked in as I followed in her steps.
The room was small. Almost the size and shape of most hotel room. except this was not a hotel. some how I have been in this room before. The room looked like Jonathan's bed room. But some how I knew we were not in his house.

Nobody was in when we arrived. My friend went looking around the other rooms. I looked around to find a hint as to who's room I was in. I walked over to the right side of the bed. I wanted to look in the drawer I knew his Gun was in there. I stopped and looked around again. I was here again.

My friend came back from the back door. we were both tired so we slipped in the bed together.

Midnight. I woke up to a smooth soft skin. I knew none of us got naked when we got under the sheets. Could my friend have gotten naked in the middle of the night?

As my hands keep'd feeling around in the dark trying to figure out who this was. I felt hands move up and down my body. It felt good. Nothing was telling me to stop. I didn't feel bad or naughty. i just wanted to know who this was between my friend and I.

It was Jonathan . He was back home. Naked in the bed with me. I felt like never stopping. I wanted him allover me. The lights came on. My friend was finally awake. she moved to another room with out one word. Jon and I started kissing and touching and licking every inch of our body's. We didn't have sex.

Next morning we woke up and started to pack my things. My friend never came back. I kissed him good bye, and told him i would see him soon.

My dream ended.

I wanted to et back in my dream once i woke up. Iv only seen Jon in my dreams since the last time we hung out. he's mostly in my dreams in a high place, like a window or balcony. I have never spoken to him in any of my dreams.
From what i know he's still alive. The last i heard o him he was on Myspace he was married and happy.

To The Stoner Who Works At Pizza Hut

You: the guy who answers the phone at pizza hut
Me: Hungry and stoned out of my mind

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called the Hut.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

Cristina

The spring of 1986,
mother told me I would have another friend to play with.
A little boy with all his greed.
I couldn't see that this was a blessing.

Cristina

She was greeted with all the love that I thought was just for me.
After all these years that same jagged feeling created the jealous man you see standing today.

Will you ever know this pain? Do you even know my name?

On a bright Sunday morning I awoke to the sounds of my mother weeping.
My father and my sister gone with out a hint of where they would be.
If it was my actions,
that caused this misfortune then i should be the one that should be blamed.

Some where out there.
Smiling with no inclination of the wounded family prying for you to be safe.

I was never the same, so angry and full of rage.

Evey night I hold the pillow you left behind.
I dream of one day seeing what kind of woman you became.
You would think I would have learned how to love.
At this point I know love is not for me.

There are a lot of this I want to share.
To the point that I'll cry.
It's your choice if you still want me as a brother.
I would defiantly understand if you want nothing to do with us, since we never were able to find you.

I will never understand why it happened this way

By: DHR Torres

THEY'RE MADE OUT OF MEAT

by Terry Bisson

"They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"Meat. They're made out of meat."

"Meat?"

"There's no doubt about it. We picked up several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, and probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."

"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars?"

"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."

"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."

"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."

"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in that sector and they're made out of meat."

"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."

"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take long. Do you have any idea what's the life span of meat?"

"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."

"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads, like the weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."

"No brain?"

"Oh, there's a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat! That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"So ... what does the thinking?"

"You're not understanding, are you? You're refusing to deal with what I'm telling you. The brain does the thinking. The meat."

"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"

"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you beginning to get the picture or do I have to start all over?"

"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."

"Thank you. Finally. Yes. They are indeed made out of meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."

"Omigod. So what does this meat have in mind?"

"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the Universe, contact other sentiences, swap ideas and information. The usual."

"We're supposed to talk to meat."

"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there. Anybody home.' That sort of thing."

"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."

"I thought you just told me they used radio."

"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat, it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."

"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"

"Officially or unofficially?"

"Both."

"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in this quadrant of the Universe, without prejudice, fear or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."

"I was hoping you would say that."

"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"

"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say? 'Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"

"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they can only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."

"So we just pretend there's no one home in the Universe."

"That's it."

"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You're sure they won't remember?"

"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."

"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."

"And we marked the entire sector unoccupied."

"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"

"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."

"They always come around."

"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the Universe would be if one were all alone ..."

the end

Porn Palce Act 2

St. James Infirmary was broken into a few weeks or months ago and their computers where stolen so the Infirmary was holding a charity event to raise money. Shane was invited by his close friend Derrick Hanson.
Derrick had his friend with him as well.(didn't get his name)Derrick was invited to speak and accept an award.
When we walked in they were speaking about the cause. After the speeches Derrick went to mingle with fellow sex workers and Shane and I went looking around.

We have been here before but this time only the front room was being used. So that left the dungeon and the stables empty. We heard rumors that the up stairs was open and a hot tub and another bar was up there.

HOT TUB + Sex workers + Booze = lots and lots of nudity. So i got to see Derrick naked. Always a nice sight. Much hotter in person. I'm such a voyeur. LOL His friend had a nice wang too.

I had a few drinks and i put m toes in the hot tube before shit went down. We left early cause we were hungry. Derrick is a cool guy, funny. He's a bright flame. he he. We ate at the sushi bar. I hated my meal, it tasted funny...

There is something sexy about hanging out with a pron star. B/c when they look at him they look at the guys around him, I wonder if they think I also make adult films? He he. That would be funny.

Silent Show

A Snow flak glides towards the ground.
Neither of us makes a sound.

From the Rich archaic heaves you bless us with these crystals from the skies.

The first time you took my hand and broke the silent ice.
Like a cherub you stuck, never losing sight of your mark.

Neither of us knows what God plans for us both.
But we know to live for today.
Keeping each other warm through the winter's cold.

When first you looked at me.
I tried to hide but you could see a hidden beauty in me.
Like a cherub you stuck, never losing sight of your mark.

One touch of those warm finger tips melted this icy heart.
Helping me wash a way the past.
"Lift that head high; you'll never be sad again"

Let's take a joys flight up toward the fluffy skies.
I close my eyes and make a wish that this won't ever ends as the seasons change.

If nether of us know.
Then God only knows
What's further down the road covered from start to end with sugary snow.

Snow flaks glide towards the ground.
Neither of us makes a sound.

From the Rich archaic heaves you bless us with these crystals from the skies.

Forever is what I pry for.
To sit here with you, watching the silent snow.

By: DHR Torres

When is a home a home?

It been 9 long years. We finally have a place to call home. But when is a home really a home?

When we first moved to Bay Point from Concord 9 people lived in our first new small house. Dad, Mom, Lil brother, 2 uncles, one aunt, and my grandmother and grandfather, and me.

First to leave was my one of my uncles, then my Aunt when she married, she took with her my grandmother and grandfather.

Then I moved out and my Step cuz moved form El Salvador. My Other uncle was deported to El Salvador. I moved back in after 4 years living on my own and my cuz was kicked out. So now it's my Mom, Dad, And my lil Brother and me.
Now that it's just us it feels really wired. I feel that some one should still be coming home even when every one is asleep.

It feels strange. not like a home.

Foxy

Labor day weekend.
Here are the events that I was planing to go to for the weekend Fresh, Sanctuary, Fireball and the fair on Sunday afternoon Hairrison St Fair.


Fire Ball

Ok this was the first stop on my wild Labor Day weekend. I only heard of the party the night before. I read that it was being held at a place called the Porn Palace across the St from the Mezzanine. Here where the themes for the night. The Space room, the dungeon room, and the farm room. I expected to see a quick vision of the themes thrown together in one day. The group consisted of Shane, Marc, Kenny, & Alfredo. When i walked in it was not bad at all. The dungeon room was my favorite because the walls where hard brick walls and the walkway to the farm room was amazing. For some really disturbing. it was a narrow walkway with a fence from the bottom to the top. on the other side of the fence there were assortments of sex toys and masks chains, wips, you name it it was all there. the walk way was about 3 yards long to the right of the walkway there was a realistic jail cell complete with toilet and sink. AHHH how cozy! The rest of the place was wild.

After a few hours Marc and Alfredo left to go seek some young boy blood. since hot burly men are not there type. They never came back so when we left we met them at Shane's house. once there they were still on there party Favors. as i was ready to fall asleep. around 4ish we all pasted out.

I woke up the group around noon. We where hungry and needed to get ready for the Fair that day. Since Marc and Alfredo had to work early we were kinda forced to wake up and great the mid day sun.



Hairrison St Fair

At the fair i ran into Robert and Scuba Steve. And of course Scuba was showing his bare ass.
I was tiring so hard to get Joey to come out and hang out with his cock out. But no he wanted to be at home being sad for some reason. I remember calling him the night before, i can't remember what we talked about. I brought back something for Joey. It's this shirt that has a bear doing the praying mantis and it said's "cub ninja". so cute. I knew Joey would have wanted it.

I was tired after 3 pm. You could tell by the way i was staring to space in and out. I was tired. I was thinking about the night to come. I knew I needed a long nap and extra energy. Once we left all the hot sweaty men. I was to tired to be thinking about going to Fresh and Sanctuary, but i bought the ticks already. That and I had some friends meeting me up there.



Fresh
GOD DAMN WAS I FUCKING HIGH OFF MY ASS. the second i steeped out of Shane's house i was gone. All I remember was getting in the cab telling the guy that i was late but i needed him to drive less like a maniac, or else i was going to revisit my lunch. When I got to Ruby Skies I texted the gang telling them i had arrived. as soon as i walked in i had a panic attack. See Fresh is very different from Fireball. the second you walk in you are judged by all the gay boys that have smelled your fear. At least thats how I feel. I lost it. i went to a corner and texted Wil and begged him to hurry and find me. i couldn't move fear i was would not be able to squeeze by the crowd.

I have this Fear that only happens in cramped spaces. I'm some what claustrophobic. It only happens with strangers are all around me and i don't know one face, or i think i don't know anybody. I hate taking Bart during rush hour b/c of that.

Once i found Wil I sat most of the night with Jamie and Jayvee. since they where both gone. i was making sure the room stopped spinning for both of them. After while i got up and danced a bit. I didn't meet anybody b/c in a place like that it's all about the drugs and sex. since i was not looking for either i we went to the next party.



Sanctuary
WTF Where all my big burly Men with hairy chests?
As soon as i got the feel for this new place I looked around and didn't see any hairy men. mostly it was the fools from Fresh. DAMMIT! so we spent most of the time sitting with all the guys that where passed out from there drugs. witch is what they do when they club hop, the other place is a cool off place before they head home. I was talking to Wil and Mark my ex, and they were telling me how much I am loved amongst his friends and family. and how they are happy that I stayed in there life. I became real close to Wil. He's a great guy. After a while I was spent and tired as fuck.

My plan was to go back to Shane's and drop. But i decided I was not ready to feel what I felt on my 21st birthday. So i passed out around 1ish.




Labor Day

I started the day with Shane fast a sleep next to me. He was passes out from the events that took place two days before. We sent most of the time with his best friend Marc and Alfonso or was it Alfredo? I don't know i'm stuck on stupid right now. It was Monday my last day to enjoy my final day off. For todays event we were going to have lunch at the beer bust at the Eagle. once we got there with Shane's other good friends. we ate and decided to head to another salon. That one was totally dead. so it was back to the Eagle to say bye to some of Shane's friends. Thats when I met Mr Fox or as I like to call him Foxy. He was the only guy that got my number at the end of the day. He totally gets my twisted jokes and I love friends like that. It's been a really fun two months.

August Moon

Just like every great show this one must come to an end. This month of August has been a non stop thrill ride for me. Iv met tons of great people and be-friended a wonderful soul. It seems like everything I wished for came true someway or another.

From Aug 3rd through the 5th Joey and I went up to the Russian River for Lazy Bear weekend and spent most of the time with his friends "Scuba" Steve and Robert his partner. There we met Nef. At first Nef was in and out for most of the first day. Later that night joey and I decided to go to the local bars to have a few drinks then go to the bonfire. Nef and Joey went on to the bars I was left with Scuba and Robert in the tent. They stayed in the tent since they had to volunteer for the big party "Sweat" that night. Once I found Joey and Nef we got some drinks and walked from bar to bar. Some how he got to Safeway and bought more drinks. Then it was off to the Bonfire. On the way Joey and I lost Nef. We found Nef in a big group of hot burley men, we told him we were going to do our own thing and we would find him later that night.

Joey and I were done with the bonfire and decided to go to the big party of the night "Sweat". Just walking in it felt like I was drenched with buckets and buckets of nasty sweat. EWWWWWWWW! I didn't stay long. Some guy was rubbing on me and Joey was busy with some older man. I couldn't stand it so I went out and went to find Nef. My job was to make sure Joey didn't go home with and ugly guy during Lazy Bear. Once I left I guess joey left too. ( I didn't tell Joey I was leaving, guess I was to drunk to care)Of course he cant remember the events of that night so we will never know what Joey was doing after I ditched him. It got to cold out side so I gave up looking for Nef or Joey at that point so I headed back to the tent. By my self. I woke up in the morning and made breakfast (Sausage)and drank a beer. So Germen of me. We ran out of water after the first day. So for most of the time I was up there I was drunk or buzzed. As you know thats where I met Shane and since then we have been really buddy buddy.

That was at the first weekend of the month. Just yesterday I had Dinner with all of my best friends and Family. We went to Farmer brown in the city. They have good soul food. We ate and My mom met Mark for the first time ever. Four years after Mark and I broke up my mom finally mets him. It was really nice for them to meet.

Poor Jeff

Last night I had Plans to go out with Joey to a bar in the city or right by his house. Since i forgot my charger at Kira's i drove to the City. I left at 5:00pm and didn't get to the city until 7:00pm. Apparently there was a big Football game with the 49ers and the Raiders. I hate driving and i hate Traffic so mush more. Once I finally reached the city i was ready for a few drinks. On my way to the San Francisco Joey called me and told me he was still sick. So i decided that after picking up the charger I would go see Shane. Shane: 32 Leo, Big and Tall just like i like them. He's so funny he keeps me giggling. when i got to his house my phones battery died. i couldn't call him and i was to retarded to push the door buzzer, so i did the best thing i could think of and yelled his name really loud and deep right under his window. mind you he lives on Castro and 18th so all the gay men I'm sure turned and look at me. he he oops.

later that night a few of Shane's friends came over. We went to dinner right down stairs at the sausage factory. Good food. Boy was i hungry. And I didn't have the munchies. i ate a med size pizza. I did have a little help from Justin. Justin: Lives in L.A. from Walnut creek. Tall cute boy that run three businesses in L.A. He was visiting with his sister from Idaho I forget her name... we all had fun during dinner. Some how we started to talk about poop and not being able hold your mud. Did I mention that these guys are crazy? I love it. Dinner was great "Thanks Jeff"

Jeff: Hot Italian man From NYC, Furry arm and a deep chill voice. To me he was kinda shy.

After dinner we all went back up stairs to the house Ever one in that house went to the back door and crammed then selfs on this every narrow stair. Jeff and I stayed inside. His phone rang then he seemed really sad. :( I just met thins guy last night and he felt so comfortable to share his boy problems. I was touched. What he said made me think. As much as i Like Shane I'm not ready for a relationship. He calls me his Pocket Gay or his boy toy. HE HE i like that. For most of the night we watched Tales of the City. Since I'm reading the book Shane said it would help me understand what I'm reading. since some times i get lost.

I went to bed before anyone. Shane went to tuck me in. Ah how sweet! I passed out and then felt Shane and Justin crawl into bed. Some how i found my self on the couch in Shane's room. HE placed a blanket on the couch just in case i was not comfortable on the bed. I was getting to hot. I had a good night. I was late to work about 13 min cause i went home to shower. I'm still house sitting Marks house.

Before I'm 24

It's been years since I've posted. First i want to say, Thank you to all my best friends that have been there for me over and over again. They stuck by me when i started to make bad chooses.

After Mark and I broke up. I moved back to Bay Point with mom and dad. I started to work for Ford Dealers in Bay Point. god I fucking hated that job. I hated the sales more then anything. It's really not hard to do, but i know I'm super Lazy. I sold a few cars here and there but for the most part it was not for me.

I left Ford and didn't work for two months. My old friend Daniel helped me get a job with one of he's customers. ( he worked for the BofA as a center manager) Her name was Sylvia. Sylvia had a cafe and a salon in Brentwood. She told me all about her hopes and dreams for this "Salon and Spa" I was sold. I took the job.
Meanwhile in my personal life I was going to clubs with my friend Gabe. He missed me at the dealership. We were the only two gay boys there. one night we both went to the Crib with a good friend of his named Alex. When we got to the club we all split up like we all ways do. By the end of the night Gabe and I were bored and Alex, well he found a hot boy to take home. Same hot Boy that i was after all night. No worries I don't cock block. I was happy for both Alex and Tim, his new boy. On our way home we find out that Tim is going over to Alex's house and we find out that there dating and that Tim is moving closer to be with Alex.... all in one night. Thats a Lesbian move right there.

Life went on, Tim lived with Alex. Gabe was still at the dealership and i started to work at "Sylvia's salon". When i finally stated working, the salon was not open the place was still being worked on. Still needed to be painted and no one was renting out the chairs. and she still wanted me to go around town and tell everybody that a new salon was here and ready to take customers.

In the span of a week a few things happened. Alex cheated on Tim and told him to move out. Tim came from Modesto. He knew nobody here besides Alex. I would talk to him at the club here and there. when ever i saw him sitting down while Alex was run around kissing boy's. I felt sorry for Tim and wanted to befriend him. I got more then i could chew. after his break up with Alex i started to hang out with Tim more. He had now moved to Concord. Gabe heard the news and was upset with me b/c I started to date Tim. Like i said I wanted Tim the first night i saw him. Careful what you wish for right.

For a while everything seemed great. I quit working for Sylvia and her fucked up salon. She was only paying me 8.50 an hour to call her suppliers, move shit around the salon and run the now open but not taking hair appointment salon. I was fucking Manager with 8.50 an hour. FUCK THAT CUNTY BITCH!!!

Tim was working for BofA now and he helped me get a job with the company. Much better job. I was in customer service and he was in Online banking. So we didn't work together.
I have this problem when i start to like a guy. I tend to cling to that person. I am working on that btw. I stayed at Tim's as much as i could. But that seemed to be to much for me. Tim was not like that other guys that I dated he was more long winded. It took him for ever to get to a point and with all his useless information was starting to get on my nerves. He never could let things just be. So i broken up with him.

Round two, I was lonely, why i thought i was never going to find someone like Tim was beyond me. I must have been high that day. I asked Tim to be my b/f again. It gets better... I broke it up again. I my self was not happy . I really can't tell you why.

Round three, After the second time Tim started to date other people. I was not feeling sexy anymore so i didn't make the effort to date my self. I stopped going to clubs and started to become a home body. Tim started to date this guy named Chentte. A dancer from NYC, use to live in Modesto and he was friends with Tim long before i met him. It was a constant "...Chentte did this and Chentte can dance really really well."
Thats great i love my fellow dancers but Tim knew of my love for dance and i asked him many times to come to dance classes with me when we were dating. Every time I asked he told me it was bad for his ankles and that he couldn't. Here comes this Broadway Dancer and all of a sudden he's taking dance classes just so Chentte can likes him more... do you see why this hurt me? I wanted to share my dream and passion with some one that i loved and i was shoot down. But this fool comes in the picture, a better dance by far and now Tim wants to get him jobs and be his talent agent. remember when i said i don't cock block? FUCK THAT!!! I took Tim and told him that i still loved him and that i wanted him more then anything. It was a bad idea, i dated him again for all the wrong reasons. It didn't last long and there was more to why i did what I did.

One night after a fight about some thing stupid I received an Email telling me that Tim no longer had the will to try to make this relationship work.

Thank God for doing what he did. I'm a much happier person for it. I met new friends and went to Lazy Bear weekend with Joey my best friend in the world. There i met Shane, really nice guy and cute. so much fun to be around. And thats where i am now.

Tim and I still hang out. we mostly just get high or drink to pass the time. Gabe now works for Domino's pizza he's now a store manager. Good for him. Alex got into a car crash while all of this was going on, but he's ok and alive. not my favorite person b/c he cheated on Tim. I don't care who you are nobody deserves that. Not even Tim. lol

he' to my 24th's birthday *Cheers*